Waiting For Gal Gadot, An Excerpt

In honor of the first trailer for WW84, an excerpt from a parodic version of Samuel Beckett’s classic tragicomedy Waiting For Godot, adapted by me:

Scene: A country road, on the planet Apokolips. A tree.  Evening. Helena, a Huntress, sits with Kara, a Kryptonian.

HELENA: Do you remember the story of the two thieves?

KARA: No. 

HELENA: Shall I tell it to you? 

KARA: No.

HELENA: It’ll pass the time. (Pause.) Two thieves, crucified at the same time as our Saviour. One— 

KARA: Our what? 

HELENA: Our Saviour. It’s a Catholic joke. Two thieves. One is supposed to have been saved and the other, damned. 

KARA: Saved from what? 

HELENA: Damnation, duh.

KARA: I’m going. 

She does not move. 

HELENA: And yet, how is it –this is not boring you I hope– how is it that of the Original Trinity — Clark, Bruce, Diana — only one speaks of a thief being saved. The three of them were there –or thereabouts– and only one speaks of a thief being saved. (Pause.) Come on, Kara, return the ball, can’t you, once in a way?

KARA: I find this really most extraordinarily interesting. 

HELENA:  One out of three. Of the other two, Diana doesn’t mention any thieves at all, and the third says that both of them abused him. 

KARA:  Who?

HELENA:  Batman, of course. 

KARA: Why? 

HELENA:  Because he wouldn’t save them. 

KARA: From the Joker?

HELENA: No, imbecile! From him beating them himself until they’re crippled.

KARA: Well what of it? 

HELENA: Then the two of them must have been damned. But Superman  says that one of the two was saved.

KARA: Well? They don’t agree and that’s all there is to it. 

HELENA: But all three were there. And only Superman speaks of one thief being saved. Why believe him rather than the others? 

KARA: Who believes him? 

HELENA: Everybody. It’s the only version they know. 

KARA: Humans are gullible fantasists. 

HELENA: Charming spot. Inspiring prospects. (She turns to Kara.) Let’s go.

KARA: We can’t. 

HELENA: Why not? 

KARA: We’re waiting for Gal Gadot. 

HELENA: Ah! (Pause.) You’re sure it was here that we were to wait?

KARA: She said by the tree. (They look at the tree.) Do you see any others? 

HELENA: No. On Apokolips, it’s a rare thing.

KARA: What are you insinuating? That we’ve come to the wrong place? 

HELENA: She should be here. 

KARA: She didn’t say for sure she’d come. 

HELENA: And if she doesn’t come? 

KARA: We’ll come back tomorrow. 

HELENA: And then the day after tomorrow. 

KARA: Possibly. 

HELENA: And so on. 

KARA: The point is— 

HELENA: We came here yesterday.

KARA:  Ah no, there you’re mistaken. 

HELENA: What did we do yesterday?

KARA: What did we do yesterday? 

HELENA: In my opinion we were here. 

KARA: It seems all the same. That tree…that fog…. 

HELENA: You’re sure it was this evening? That we were to wait. 

KARA: She said Saturday. (Pause.) I think. 

HELENA: You think. 

KARA: I have super-hearing.

HELENA: But what Saturday? And is it Saturday? On Apokolips, every day is Darkseid Day. Not true. There is DeSaad-erday. On that day, Darkseid rests his eyes. (Pause.) Let’s stop talking for a minute, do you mind? 

KARA: All right. 

Helena starts to take a nap.

KARA: Helena! 

Helena wakes with a start. 

HELENA: I was asleep! Why will you never let me sleep?

KARA: I felt lonely.

…and it goes on like that. How indeed, shall we wait for June 2020, when Wonder Woman 1984 will arrive? But has 1984 not already happened? And was it longer a wait for Diana, to spend the time between World War I and the 1980s? Surely all these and more will be addressed in the natural sequel to Waiting For Gal Gadot:

Leave a Reply